Shadow Days

Have you ever felt like no more than a passing shadow? If so, please read on.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Diary entry (part two)

Monday - March 30th

Saw Ken at work today and he ignored me. Wonder if he’s angry about the syphilis comments. Maybe I went too far spraying it with paint on her car. He’s going to shit a brick when he sees the advert I’ve taken out in the newspaper.

Tuesday – March 31st

Got caught by the police dumping 200 newspapers in the canal before work today. Told them that I had been caught short and was just having a quick shit. From the look on the policeman’s face, I’m not sure he believed me.


Sunday – 5th April

Last night I went to see the fireworks and as the sky blew into pretty colours, for just a brief moment I felt a part of something, a part of the collective excitement and then just as quickly as it had come, it passed and once again stood amongst 300 people I felt like I was no more than a passing chip wrapper on the wind. So pleased with this analogy that I rewarded myself on the way home by getting chips.


Tuesday – 7th April

Bugger, Ken’s cousin Kenny got hold of a paper and has shown him the advert. Not sure if most of what he threatened me with is entirely fair and at least 3 of his suggestions are illegal in most civilised countries. I’m going to get that bloody Ken back for this. I don’t care if he has got a funny little arm, he’s going to get a kicking.

Wednesday – 8th April

Me and Ken are friends again! Went for a pint down Brannigans. She’s dumped him and the best thing is that apparently it’s nothing to do with the graffiti or the advert. It’s because Ken can’t satisfy her sexually. I feel so much better and I’m sure, when Ken stops crying, he will too.





Friday – 10th April

Me and Ken are going on a mad one tonight, I can’t bloody wait! Brannigans for a £3.99 curry and a pint night (Plus the cavorting and the dancing!) and then onto walkabout. I’ve never been to Australia, but if it’s anywhere as nearly brilliant as the walkabout, then I’m going to book my ticket first thing Monday morning.

Saturday – 11th April

Ken’s back with his bloody girlfriend, she rang him in tears during our £3.99 curry and a pint and told him that she’s made a terrible mistake. So off he ran, but I say more fool him as I got his Naan bread. Anyway I can’t blame her, how can you blame anything on a fucking cunt of a syphilitic whore? Went to Walkabout anyway. Got thrown out for dancing on a table. Told them that Rolph Harris was a twat and that I was ringing Lunn Polly first thing Monday morning to cancel my flight to Australia. Think they bought it, they don’t know that I haven’t purchased one yet!

Sunday – 12th April

Woke up today with my back absolutely killing me. Must have been from when I fell off the table in Walkabouts. All bouncers are dickheads. Who wouldn’t want to dance on a table to Tina Turner? One day I’m going to go down to a nightclub in my trainers and taunt the bouncer because I can go anywhere I want to in my trainers, but as he’s at work in his shoes he’s stuck there.
[This is part one of a diary that i kept during the early 00's. I post it here, so that others may read of my misfortunes and not make the same mistakes that i did....John 15th July 2006]

Tuesday – March 16th

Have you ever stood at a party and felt like no more than a passing shadow? All alone, unspeaking, around you the clinking of wine glasses and the chatter of the happy.


Thursday – March 18th

Went for lunch in the Harvesters with Ken. Half way through the meal I considered suicide. Ken had Nachos, they looked much nicer than what I had ordered, isn’t that always the way? There should be some sort of system where before you have to choose, they bring you out miniature versions of the meals to try. Decided to put off suicide till I’d come back and tried the Nachos.


Wednesday – March 25th

Ken is great! Met him for lunch in the park today. Ken’s a good reliable friend and I know he won’t let me down as he’s too socially awkward and ugly to make any other friends. I thought this was a good thing, Ken didn’t and left without even finishing his sandwich.

Thursday – March 26th

Ken is a twat! He’s only gone and got a bloody girlfriend. I hope he gets syphilis and dies. No scratch that I hope she gets syphilis and dies. But the chances of her catching syphilis from Ken are zero to none.

Saturday – March 28th

Woke up and looking outside, realised that it was going to be a beautiful day. Went to the cinema to see a matinee showing of ‘Escape to Victory.’ Forgotten how good Sylvester Stallone is in goal. I wonder why he never made it professionally? After all Pele went on too much greater things.

Sunday – March 29th

Another unbelievably sunny day, spent day in bed watching bargain hunt on video. I’m sure I used to enjoy Sundays, until the loom of Monday’s work began to ruin them. Wonder if this is some sort of spreading fear and I’ll eventually end up hating the entire weekend from Friday teatime onwards.